The Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future

Merry Christmas!  

When I was a little girl, our big family Christmas festivities took place at my Grandma Hudson's house.  Even though my siblings, cousins and I were all small at the time, the house was still filled to the rim when we all gathered together.  There was music and food, and Grandpa's ribbon candy. The tree was always half swallowed up by the pretty wrapped packages piled all around it. It was loud with the sounds of laughter and warm with the caress of love.

By the time the wrapping paper stopped flying, not an empty spot was left to be found.  I honestly cannot remember a single a gift I received in all those years, but I remember the feelings I had. Grandma's house was just the place to be.  Christmas or just an ordinary Tuesday afternoon, it didn't matter.  When I was Grandma's, everything was okay.  


I was probably around 12 or 13 when the Christmas gathering moved to my parents' house.  It was really just a matter of necessity.  None of us were getting any smaller, and Grandma's house wasn't getting any bigger.  At first it was odd to not be at Grandma's house.  Even though all the same characters were there, the whole event felt different on a new stage.  


Maybe it was just that we weren't going anywhere.  We were just staying home and letting everyone come to us.  Maybe that took some of the excitement out of the day.  Maybe it was just the subtle differences between Mom's entertaining style and Grandma's.  Maybe it was just me.  I wasn't little anymore.  The anticipation of Santa was gone.  Not to mention, clothes and cash didn't hold the same thrill as Easy Bake ovens and Barbies.


When we all started marrying and having our own little families, the big family Christmas changed again.  It wasn't everyone all in one place anymore.  Instead, it was my parents and siblings and our little families having a Christmas gathering completely separate from from the rest of the family.  I understand these kinds of changes are a natural part of the growing process, but still, something was lost for certain when the transition from one big family all together became two separate families each doing their own thing.

Now we stand on the cusp of another time of metamorphosis.  The days of my siblings and I having little kids is quickly phasing out. My kids and my nieces and nephew aren't, for the most part, exactly little anymore.  In fact, two of my children are in their twenties and likely to be marrying and starting their own families in the next few years.  And with growth, both in physical size and numbers, the stage has changed once again.


This year, for the first time, my husband and I hosted the big family Christmas get together.  It was grand.  A fabulous time.  My little family of five plus my sons' girlfriends, my parents,  two sisters, a brother, two brothers-in-law, a sister-in-law, a nephew and three nieces all came together to celebrate Christmas right here in our home.  


It was different than being at Mom and Dad's...fantastic but different.  I wonder how it felt to the kids.  Did they have those same feelings I did back when we went from Christmas at Grandma's to Christmas elsewhere?  I wonder if the change in atmosphere took anything away or if it possibly added anything to the night.  Will they remember this Christmas with any special fondness...the first Christmas at Aunt Tam's instead of Nana and Papaw's?  And how about my siblings?  Was anything lost or gained by the new stage set for them?  Or is it possible, that as adults, it's only having the same cast that really matters.  


I take a moment to pause at that thought, because the truth is, the cast is ever changing. Before much longer, as the 'kids' all become adults and marry and have children of their own, it's likely there will be more 'little' Christmases than 'big' ones...each little family within the the bigger one opting to have their own celebrations.  The more we multiply, the more dividing becomes inevitable.  


When the day comes that each of my siblings elect to have their own Christmas celebrations with their own kids and their own grandkids, it will be among the most bittersweet days of my life.  How deeply I will miss the moments of utter joy that can be found across a table of tasty treats and candid conversation...the laughter that fills a room when a mediocre joke is delivered beautifully by a thirteen year old niece...the contentment of knowing that no matter how much or little we have to exchange, we are incredibly rich in all the ways that matter....the sheer delight of seeing the people I love the most love each other.  Oh how precious these days are.  How I savor them, knowing that as quickly as the days come, they are over.  And while I know that what lies ahead for each of us is sure to be as wonderful as what lies behind, still I will miss it when it's gone.

To my family...each of you individually and all of you collectively...thanks for the memories.  May we make many more together and be genuinely happy for each other as we make our own memories apart from one another.  Merry Christmas!