Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Another year older

If there's one thing I know, it's that I don't know much.  As I live this very innocuous existence, rarely venturing beyond my own little world, I realize there are places I will never go, things I will never see, experiences I will never have.  But the bigger reality is that there are places I don't even know are out there...things I can't even conceive of...adventures I'm not even aware are a possibility.


It's a fine line between content and complacent, I suppose.  As I find myself firmly entrenched in this place I like to refer to as 'the middle ages', that line is one I often walk with trepidation.  It's easy to slip into a life of routine, a life of monotony, a life where every day becomes much like the one before it and the one that follows.  


It's easy to become satisfied to know only what we know, do only what we've always done and never reach beyond the place we are.  But is that the life I want as I begin my descent over the proverbial hill?  Just because my hair is starting to gray and my joints sometimes ache, am I past the point of dreaming new dreams and pursuing new mountains to climb?   
Or is the goal to just keep pressure on the brakes so I don't fly down the old mountain too quickly?


I'm torn about it sometimes.  Part of me likes to just sit back and rest on what I've already accomplished.  But another part of me is screaming, 'there has to be more than this!'.  As the kids are growing up and leaving home and my role as wife and mother is being redefined, the me that's been neglected...even forgotten...by the me I was busy being is finding herself again.  She's thinking that she could discover...or at least rediscover...a whole plethora of things to do, places to go and even dreams to dream.  


And while I'm deciding what that all means in real life terms, I at least am able to look over the horizon with a renewed sense of excitement and wonder....knowing that the youth I've lost has made way for the woman I am...and the woman I'm still yet...even at this age...still yet to become.  

No comments:

Post a Comment