Don't get me wrong, I absolutely DO believe in true love and that marriages can last a lifetime. But I also know that it's going to take a whole lot more than a naked baby-man drawing back his bow to make that happen. Love at first sight is a misnomer, in my opinion. You can have attraction at first sight, lust at first sight, interest at first sight. You can have butterflies in your stomach at first sight. Skyrockets in flight at first sight. But you cannot have love, real love, at first sight. Love should never be taken so lightly as to think of it as easy come...or easy go.
To believe that there are genuine "soul mates" one must believe there is but one perfect mate with whom he or she is destined to share this life with. But I simply don't believe that's the way it is.
You know how I love to relate everything in life to laundry so let me use a sock analogy. We all know, socks come in pairs. But those pairs are typically packaged in sixes or twelves or whatever the case may be...but always in pairs. Now within that package, let's say of white athletic socks, all the socks are viable mates for any of the others. It isn't necessary for me to keep Sock A with Sock B and Sock C with Sock D. A will match D just as well as it matches B...or C for that matter. They all become interchangeable.
Now if I determine to keep Sock A and Sock B together, I certainly can do that. It will, however, require a greater investment in time, energy and diligence than just mating any two like socks from the same package together. The options aren't really even limited to just the socks from that package. Any socks of the same brand and appearance would work equally as well.
Even socks with more unique patterns and colors are unlikely to be one-of-kind pairs. Chance are there are many other 'matching' socks to be had. And who among us hasn't worn a pair of near matches before...two similar but not perfectly mated socks? We figure our pants will hide the fact that we have on one navy and one black sock so we just go with it on a busy morning. We have made a pair out of two things that were never intended to be so, and the truth is, they function perfectly well together.
If we are willing to accept the idea that things don't have to match but rather only have to work well together...go together, as it were, the pairing possibilities become limitless.
It really isn't that much different with people. People most often find their mate within the 'package' they come...their hometown or at school or work or church or wherever their personal geography most conveniently allows. To think that there are no other potential or equally qualified candidates for life partnership outside our little circle of relevance is very shortsighted in my opinion.
This is evidenced by the swell of relationships getting their start in cyberspace. People who would have had no other opportunity to cross paths are finding one another through the internet. With all the online dating sites and social networking possibilities, the constraints geography once imposed are basically nonexistent.
We also live in a time where other restrictions have been lifted when it comes to finding a perfectly suitable mate. Color, age, socioeconomics, even gender no longer firmly limit the pool from which people have to choose a potential life partner. (I'm not making any political or moral statements there...just calling it like I see it.) So I repeat, if we are willing to accept the idea that things...and people...don't have to match but rather only have to work well together...go together, the pairing possibilities become limitless.
To believe there is one singular perfect person out there for each of us just doesn't seem likely to me. More likely, in my opinion, is that there are multiple legitimate, suitable even exceptional options for each of us when it comes to a life mate. That's the reason a man or woman who loses a treasured and beloved spouse can, with time, have a heart that is not only prepared but also eager to be connected to another. It doesn't in any way negate the veracity with which he or she loved the first mate, it merely makes it apparent that there isn't but one singular 'soul mate' for each of us.
What makes any two people truly work as a couple is what made Sock A and Sock B work in my analogy earlier. There must be a determination to invest time and energy into the relationship. It will mean giving due diligence to nurturing and protecting the union. It will require perseverance and prudence. It demands commitment and trustworthiness. When the pressures and the circumstances of life set out to turn everything upside down and inside out, A and B must be somehow purposefully connected to one another to stay together.
Fate, as it were, may bring people together, but that isn't what will keep them that way. Physical attraction is powerful, but beauty has to more than skin deep to really last. Those giddy, gushy feelings are great, but they're also fickle.
It really all comes down to choices, in my opinion. We choose a mate, based on whatever criteria we personally deem valid. We choose to love. We choose to overlook certain things. We choose to value others. We choose a lifestyle. We make choices about children, money, making a home. We choose what things are negotiable and what things aren't...what we can live with and what what we can't live without. And none of those things should be taken lightly or happen by accident. I know they sometimes do, but they shouldn't, if you ask me.
Love, marriage, commitment, raising a family...all those things require such an incredible amount of work and determination. No amount of chemistry or 'magic' can form a strong enough foundation to build an entire life together on. No one gets to happily ever after without a few poison apples, a lost slipper or two or some serious twists or turns in their story. It's all the stuff between their eyes meeting across a crowded room and death doing them part that makes a real love story.
You know how I love to relate everything in life to laundry so let me use a sock analogy. We all know, socks come in pairs. But those pairs are typically packaged in sixes or twelves or whatever the case may be...but always in pairs. Now within that package, let's say of white athletic socks, all the socks are viable mates for any of the others. It isn't necessary for me to keep Sock A with Sock B and Sock C with Sock D. A will match D just as well as it matches B...or C for that matter. They all become interchangeable.
Now if I determine to keep Sock A and Sock B together, I certainly can do that. It will, however, require a greater investment in time, energy and diligence than just mating any two like socks from the same package together. The options aren't really even limited to just the socks from that package. Any socks of the same brand and appearance would work equally as well.
Even socks with more unique patterns and colors are unlikely to be one-of-kind pairs. Chance are there are many other 'matching' socks to be had. And who among us hasn't worn a pair of near matches before...two similar but not perfectly mated socks? We figure our pants will hide the fact that we have on one navy and one black sock so we just go with it on a busy morning. We have made a pair out of two things that were never intended to be so, and the truth is, they function perfectly well together.
If we are willing to accept the idea that things don't have to match but rather only have to work well together...go together, as it were, the pairing possibilities become limitless.
It really isn't that much different with people. People most often find their mate within the 'package' they come...their hometown or at school or work or church or wherever their personal geography most conveniently allows. To think that there are no other potential or equally qualified candidates for life partnership outside our little circle of relevance is very shortsighted in my opinion.
This is evidenced by the swell of relationships getting their start in cyberspace. People who would have had no other opportunity to cross paths are finding one another through the internet. With all the online dating sites and social networking possibilities, the constraints geography once imposed are basically nonexistent.
We also live in a time where other restrictions have been lifted when it comes to finding a perfectly suitable mate. Color, age, socioeconomics, even gender no longer firmly limit the pool from which people have to choose a potential life partner. (I'm not making any political or moral statements there...just calling it like I see it.) So I repeat, if we are willing to accept the idea that things...and people...don't have to match but rather only have to work well together...go together, the pairing possibilities become limitless.
To believe there is one singular perfect person out there for each of us just doesn't seem likely to me. More likely, in my opinion, is that there are multiple legitimate, suitable even exceptional options for each of us when it comes to a life mate. That's the reason a man or woman who loses a treasured and beloved spouse can, with time, have a heart that is not only prepared but also eager to be connected to another. It doesn't in any way negate the veracity with which he or she loved the first mate, it merely makes it apparent that there isn't but one singular 'soul mate' for each of us.
What makes any two people truly work as a couple is what made Sock A and Sock B work in my analogy earlier. There must be a determination to invest time and energy into the relationship. It will mean giving due diligence to nurturing and protecting the union. It will require perseverance and prudence. It demands commitment and trustworthiness. When the pressures and the circumstances of life set out to turn everything upside down and inside out, A and B must be somehow purposefully connected to one another to stay together.
Fate, as it were, may bring people together, but that isn't what will keep them that way. Physical attraction is powerful, but beauty has to more than skin deep to really last. Those giddy, gushy feelings are great, but they're also fickle.
It really all comes down to choices, in my opinion. We choose a mate, based on whatever criteria we personally deem valid. We choose to love. We choose to overlook certain things. We choose to value others. We choose a lifestyle. We make choices about children, money, making a home. We choose what things are negotiable and what things aren't...what we can live with and what what we can't live without. And none of those things should be taken lightly or happen by accident. I know they sometimes do, but they shouldn't, if you ask me.
Love, marriage, commitment, raising a family...all those things require such an incredible amount of work and determination. No amount of chemistry or 'magic' can form a strong enough foundation to build an entire life together on. No one gets to happily ever after without a few poison apples, a lost slipper or two or some serious twists or turns in their story. It's all the stuff between their eyes meeting across a crowded room and death doing them part that makes a real love story.
Amen, Sista!
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