My guess is every family has one...the person who appoints him or herself as scorekeeper. This is the person, in my experience most often a middle child, who feels compelled to keep a detailed record of every gift given, every chore assigned and every penny spent on each member of the family. The scorekeeper does not really do this to keep things even. He does this to make sure he gets, at least, his fair share.
I myself have never been an even Steven sort of mom. I've had the philosophy that we should meet each child's needs as they arise, without particular regard for keeping all things equal. After all, just because one boy needed new shoes or jeans or a backpack, didn't mean everyone did. And just because one child might need extra money for something didn't demand I dole out the dough in even shares to everyone else. I figured that over the course of each of their childhoods', it would all even itself out so I didn't have to.
It was basically that same notion that governed the assignment of household chores. I never did stars on a chart or a color-coded calendar detailing each person's daily responsibilities. I admired that kind of organization, I just didn't aspire to it. So we pretty much have always had a 'mind your own stuff and do what mom tells you when she tells you' policy.
This parenting style has served my husband and I well, but for our little scorekeeper, it has been a perpetual source of irritation. You see, the scorekeeper remembers with utter clarity the exact number of times he has taken out the trash in comparison to his brothers. He has made mental notes of the dollars spent by us toward his possessions and activities in proportion to the budget allocated to each of his siblings. He has kept a painstaking record of the ages at which he was permitted to do specific things as opposed to when we are allowing his younger brother to do the same things.
Now, as the face of our family is quickly changing, the scorekeeper of our house has become increasingly disgruntled. With he and "A" being more men than boys, the chasm between them and the 'baby' is ever widening. And while "A" is moving into adulthood seemingly without giving it a thought and the 'baby' is happy with the impending prospect of being an 'only child', the scorekeeper quite openly expresses his displeasure with it all.
Our scorekeeper simply cannot believe how excessive my husband and I have become now that we aren't fully supporting him anymore. He is appalled by the quality and corresponding price tag of the 'baby's' new soccer gear, sure we never would have spent so exorbitantly on him and "A" at that age. He is concerned that the 'baby' is going to end up driving a car far superior to his first one...although he has had two vehicles he didn't pay a penny for. And the kicker is that he was appalled by the amount he is certain we spent on a child-free weekend getaway although he honestly hasn't a clue what it cost nor is it any of his business.
Moreover, he's flabbergasted that we are considering the possibility of taking a second long weekend away later this year to which the 'baby' is likely to be invited, but which he is unlikely to be. Not that we wouldn't want to spend the time with him, but as an adult, he isn't certain to be in a position to get away from his own grown up obligations when our schedule permits.
I have to keep reminding him that times are changing. His father and I have more discretionary money now that we are no longer the sole support for three children. We have more free time too. And while the 'baby' is likely to benefit from his years as the only child in this house, I try to remind the scorekeeper that he and "A" had half a dozen years on the front end of their lives to be lavished with unfettered attention, affection and gifts as they were not only our only children, but they were also the only grandchildren and nephews on either side of the family. Of course, the scorekeeper in him can't help but point out that he doesn't remember most of that while the 'baby' will remember all of this.
I truly hope as the scorekeeper grows up and moves into the role of husband and father himself someday, he will come to care less about what the score was and find satisfaction in how we all played the game.
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