Unsolicited Marriage Advice

I pretty much consider myself an old married person.  I think anyone who had been married more than half their life qualifies.  I hit that milestone when I was 36.  Being an official old married person, here are some things I have learned over the years.

1.) Pick your battles.  Some things are worth fighting for.  A few things are worth going to war over.  Almost nothing is worth dying for.  Everything cannot be important.  Don't try to make it that way. Whiskers in the sink and dirty underwear on the floor really aren't grounds for divorce.  


2.) Honesty is always the best policy, but make sure you can afford the premiums if you're going to buy into that. When your wife asks how she looks, the answer should always be 'beautiful'.  It really shouldn't be about her hairstyle or the dress she's wearing anyway.  When your husband asks if there's something he can do to help you, you should be aware he probably isn't interested in the truth.  He is most likely just being polite.  So while you can give him a to do list, don't expect him to be genuinely thrilled about it. 


3.) Money isn't everything, but it is something. Having money won't make you happy...neither will being broke.  Being on the same page about money makes it better.


4.) Kids are work. If you don't like work, you won't like having kids.  If you must have sleep, money, privacy when using the bathroom or peace and quiet, you probably won't like having kids either.  


5.) Marriage is work.  If you don't like work, you won't like marriage either. 


6.) Marriage and children are awesome!!  If you don't mind the work, the benefits are phenomenal. 


7.) Great communication is 10% talking and 90% listening.  The best communication usually involves little or no words at all.  A look, a touch, an unexpected expression of appreciation and adoration...they all have the ability to speak louder than words.

8.) If you're always waiting for the 'perfect' time to do something, you'll waste a lot of 'perfectly good' time in the meanwhile.  The desire for absolute perfection has been the downfall of many a perfectly good life. 

9.) Love should always have less to do with feelings and emotions than it does with deliberate, purposeful choices.  'In love' is fickle.  It comes and goes over the course of time, influenced by external conditions and the circumstances of life.  If you want to have the giddy, butterflies in your stomach, kissed by cherubs  'in love' feelings every single day, marriage may not be for you. The kind of love that makes a marriage work relies very little on those kinds of feelings.  


10.) And last but not least, in a new marriage, be extremely thoughtful about what you do first.  When you do something first, it becomes your job forever.  My mom told me this when I was getting married, and she was totally right.