I like to think of myself as a relatively intelligent woman. I'm articulate, insightful and fairly well informed. But the truth of the matter is, I don't even know what I don't know. There's a whole world out there I have no true knowledge of...creatures I have never seen...ideas I have never given consideration...lives with which I will never intersect. There are places I will never go. Adventures I will never experience. There are dreams I cannot even conceive with the limited scope of my mind's eye. It's unfathomable the amount of existence I will never have any awareness of.
We all live in a world so much bigger than we are. And yet, we seem to live in little pods, communities, families that have convinced this is all there is to life. We repeat the patterns of our parents who simply repeated the patterns of their parents before them. We mimic what we see on television or in society with little to no real thought about the value or long-term implications of such things. We are shown examples of what we ought to be and become a culmination of what many others have shaped us to be. We are given a script and asked to either follow it or revise it to suit us but to never stray too far from the outline.
We are all little actors on little stages, performing little routines for our own personal little audiences. We all have the potential to be stars in these productions...to shine bright and burn white hot. Conversely, we all have the option to disappear into the chorus and leave nary a mark on the world as we pass through it.
Who I am is not who I always thought I would be. The character I portray has changed throughout my forty years, and I'm certain it will change at least a few more times before my performance on this life's stage is over. That's what keeps life interesting, makes it all worth it, small role though it be in the overall scheme of things.
For me, a person with a wealth of opinions and often lacking self censorship, what I have come to understand about this whole production we call life is that, while I am the star of my own production, I am not the star on anyone else's stage...not my husband's....not my childrens...not my parents'. My importance varies widely as I make guest appearances in each of their lives as well as in the lives of my friends, co-workers and even the strangers I pass on the street. The big things on my stage may be mere footnotes on theirs. And that's the way it's supposed to be. I make a mark on you. You make a mark on me. We all make a mark on the world, the stage, we leave behind.
Only a rare few performers have had lasting mass appeal. Only a few go down in history as being among the greats. A Mother Teresa, a Martin Luther King Jr., an Albert Einstein...not necessarily each one of kind but each remembered above all the others with their particular bent. There are far more nameless, faceless performers who have graced this stage than those we have elevated to superstar status. But regardless, each has played a significant role...a unique, personal portrayal of a life lived...whether well done or wasted.
For me, I hope to live my life in such as way as to make a positive impact on the performances of those around me...to influence the character development of my sons...to be the lifelong love interest of my husband...to be a comedian without becoming a joke...to be a powerhouse without overshadowing my co-stars...to be a superhero when one's needed and a well seasoned sage throughout.
Though my stage be small and my admirers be few, an award-winning performance comes from a life well lived. If I accomplish this, I will consider my performance quite stellar.
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